Ok, just thought I’d have a catchy title. But the topic of the post is slightly related.
I’ve been working quite a lot this summer, and I’m going to narrate an event that happened during the lunch break a few weeks ago. There were three of us (me and two female blond colleagues [not that their hair color has anything to do with it]) around the table, and having our lunch. One of my female colleagues mentioned considering from home; but being very confused about it.
The trend here is to move out from home as quickly as possible. This colleague currently lives with her parents, and is considering whether to move to a separate apartment or whether to move in with her boyfriend. (this post is NOT gossip haha)
She was listing the positives and negatives she saw in moving to a separate apartment, and to her boyfriend. To cut a long story short, she wanted her boyfriend to live a lone for a few months before she moved in. She wanted to do this because; she wanted him to ‘learn’ most of the household duties that are typically done by females. Basically she didn’t want to move in with him, because she was fearing she’d become his ‘mother’ (i.e. the person who washes the dishes, does laundry, cooks the food); she wanted him to learn it all, and then when she moved in, they’d share responsibilities, and she wouldn’t have to do everything else.
The other female colleague concurred, that before a female moves in with a man, the man should have lived by himself for a while, so that he’s learnt doing all the chores. She mentioned how her boyfriend would come home (when she was away), and order a pizza instead of cooking food for the daughter, and the house would look like a mess. She complained how she would have to clean up the place, and that she kind of ‘had’ to clean up before settling down (some kind of internal thing she has that doesn’t allow her to rest before the house is clean.) Her explanation was that her boyfriend had been spoiled by his mother who did everything for him.
Then suddenly, all eyes were on me. Now it was my turn to comment on how lazy men who live with their mothers were. Although I could picture myself in some of the cases (such as not being able to cook proper food – by proper I mean Indian :P… I can cook pasta, and make some kind of sauce and do simple stuff… but nothing fancy); there were other things that I couldn’t relate to at all. For example, I do help with chores such as dishes and laundry, but I’ve definitely become more cautious about being lazy now, and I did note that, although I was tired I did wash the dishes that evening =D.
The fact that my parents are divorced has helped me in this way, that I’ve always had to take more responsibility than; if they weren’t; so whereas I personally can’t relate to this completely (but I can in some way), I do think that a lot of people can.
I think this especially is the case with Indian men; who more often than not, live with their parents for quite a long time. Parents spoil their kids by not making them learn chores, and not making them learn cook food and stuff. This is mostly apparent in the cases of immigrant (i.e. my father); who had to learn everything from scratch when they were mommy-less outside India.
Basically point being; I do understand where the female colleagues were coming from, and think that men should start thinking about these things.
